Support for Caregivers
Emotional support and guidance for families, partners and other caregivers who are coping with the challenges of providing care for another adult.

Find services, resources and support for family caregivers in AgingCare’s library of articles, personal blogs created by other caregivers and our peer-to-peer Caregiver Forum where members offer tips, guidance and support to each other. AgingCare’s goal is to help you in your role as family caregiver. Our broad list of free resources is designed to help caregivers in need of information, advice and emotional support while providing long term care for a spouse, parent or other elderly loved one. Whether you are in need of respite, advice on paying for care or just want to vent about the physical and emotional toll of being a primary caregiver, let us help you find the support you need.

Caregiver Support Groups

Today, family caregivers represent over one in five Americans and that number continues to grow as the aging population increases, and more people are diagnosed with debilitating disorders that require daily care.

The 2020 report also revealed that caregivers are in worse health today than they were in 2015. A phenomenon commonly called “caregiver stress” results from the many tasks and responsibilities that caregivers take on when they step up to the plate to care for a debilitated loved one or a child with a chronic illness.

These statistics indicate that today there’s more reason than ever for caregivers to be aware of the need for self-care. One factor, found to improve the overall well being of caregivers, is the benefit of attending regular support group meetings.

Caregiver Stress

Tips for taking care of yourself

Caring for a loved one strains even the most resilient people. If you’re a caregiver, take steps to preserve your own health and well-being.

As the population ages, more people are doing caregiving. About 1 in 3 adults in the United States is an informal or family caregiver.

A caregiver is anyone who helps another person in need. A person in need might be an ill spouse or partner, a child with a disability, or an aging friend or relative.

Caregivers report higher levels of stress than do people who are not caregivers. It’s important for caregivers to know that they, too, need help and support.

Caregiving is rewarding but stressful

Caregiving can have many rewards. For most caregivers, caring for a loved one feels good. And it can make your relationship stronger.

But the demands of caregiving also cause emotional and physical stress. It’s common to feel angry, frustrated, worn out or sad. And it’s common to feel alone.

Caregiver stress can put caregivers at risk of changes in their own health. Factors that can increase caregiver stress include:

• Caring for a spouse.
• Living with the person who needs care.
• Caring for someone who needs constant care.
• Feeling alone.
• Feeling helpless or depressed.
• Having money problems.
• Spending many hours caregiving.
• Having too little guidance from health care professionals.
• Having no choice about being a caregiver.
• Not having good coping or problem-solving skills.
• Feeling the need to give care at all times.

Signs of caregiver stress

As a caregiver, you may be so focused on your loved one that you don’t see how caregiving affects your own health and well-being. The signs of caregiver stress include:

• Feeling burdened or worrying all the time.
• Feeling tired often.
• Sleeping too much or not enough.
• Gaining or losing weight.
• Becoming easily irked or angry.
• Losing interest in activities you used to enjoy.
• Feeling sad.
• Having frequent headaches or other pains or health problems.
• Misusing alcohol or drugs, including prescription medicines.
• Missing your own medical appointments.

Too much stress over time can harm your health. As a caregiver, you might feel depressed or anxious. You might not get enough sleep or physical activity. Or you might not eat a balanced diet. All of these increase your risk of health conditions, such as heart disease and diabetes.

Tips to manage caregiver stress

The emotional and physical demands of caregiving can strain even the strongest person. Many resources and tools can help you care for your loved one and yourself. Make use of them. If you don’t take care of yourself, you won’t be able to care for anyone else.

How to help manage caregiver stress:

• Ask for and accept help. Make a list of ways in which others can help you. Then let them choose how to help. Ideas include taking regular walks with the person you care for, cooking a meal for you and helping with medical appointments.
• Focus on what you can do. At times, you might feel like you’re not doing enough. But no one is a perfect caregiver. Believe that you’re doing the best you can.
• Set goals you can reach. Break large tasks into smaller steps that you can do one at a time. Make lists of what’s most important. Follow a daily routine. Say no to requests that are draining, such as hosting meals for holidays or other occasions.
• Get connected. Learn about caregiving resources in your area. There might be classes you can take. You might find caregiving services such as rides, meal delivery or house cleaning.
• Join a support group. People in support groups know what you’re dealing with. They can cheer you on and help you solve problems. A support group also can be a place to make new friends.
• Seek social support. Stay connected to family and friends who support you. Make time each week to visit with someone, even if it’s just a walk or a quick cup of coffee.
• Take care of your health. Find ways to sleep better. Move more on most days. Eat a healthy diet. Drink plenty of water.
  Many caregivers have trouble sleeping. Good sleep is important for health. If you have trouble getting a good night’s sleep, talk to your health care professional.
• See your health care professional. Get the vaccines you need and regular health screenings. Tell your health care professional that you’re a caregiver. Talk about worries or symptoms you have.

Respite care

It may be hard to leave your loved one in someone else’s care. But taking a break can be one of the best things you do for yourself and the person you’re caring for. Types of respite care include:

• In-home respite. Health care aides come to your home to spend time with your loved one or give nursing services or both.
• Adult care centers and programs. There are centers that give day care for older adults. Some also care for young children. The two groups might spend time together.
• Short-term nursing homes. Some assisted living homes, memory care homes and nursing homes accept people who need care for short stays while caregivers are away.

Working outside the home

Caregivers who work outside the home can feel burdened. If this describes you, think about taking a leave from your job for a time if you can afford to do so.

Employees covered under the federal Family and Medical Leave Act may be able to take up to 12 weeks of unpaid leave a year to care for relatives. Ask your human resources office about choices for unpaid leave.

You aren’t alone

Ask for the help you need. Besides asking family and friends, use local resources for caregivers.

To start, check out the national Eldercare Locator or contact your local Area Agency on Aging to learn about services in your area. Or try your state’s Aging and Disability Resource Center. You can find these resources online or in a telephone directory.

There also are mobile apps and web-based services that give support to caregivers. These services can help build coping skills and teach about caregiving.

Loving Yourself: A Caregiver’s Ultimate Challenge

We’ve all heard that we must first learn to love ourselves before we can love others. Yet, many of us have grown up with family members who were hard on us or taught us that that self-love is selfish or arrogant, which couldn’t be further from the truth.

How Caregiving Affects Our Sense of Self

Family members who are caring for aging loved ones often “lose themselves” in the process. Many experience caregiver guilt and endure a great deal of stress that radically changes their self-concept and world view. We know that people make mistakes, but, as family caregivers, we seem to expect a degree of perfection from ourselves that simply isn’t possible. This unrealistic view can leave us feeling consistently defeated. Over the long term, this mindset damages one’s concept of self-worth and leads to a spiral of negative thinking.

While there is no magical roadmap to help us navigate all the trials and tribulations of life, especially life as a caregiver, we can adjust our attitudes to help make things a little easier on ourselves. We can work on our self-esteem enough that eventually—sometimes with the aid of professional counseling—we can learn to love and care for ourselves despite our perceived flaws. This is a challenging change to make but will transform us into happier people and better caregivers. Learning how to love yourself is a win/win.

The Dos and Don’ts of Learning Self-Love

So, how do we start? The best way to begin is by examining your attitude toward and thoughts about yourself and your current situation. Lasting progress can’t be made by glossing over underlying issues and ignoring reality. We’ll start with a series of “don’ts” that can help you identify damaging patterns of thinking and behaving, learn how to quit these bad habits and give you a clean slate to build upon with the “dos” that are meant to build you up.

Self-Destructive Thoughts and Behaviors Caregivers Should Avoid

• Don’t compare yourself to others.
  No one leads a perfect life. Even though some people appear to live in a way that seems charmed, they make mistakes, too. Comparing ourselves to other people is a sure path toward envy, disappointment and self-loathing. This includes other caregivers, family members, friends and even strangers.
• Don’t accept unearned guilt.
  The stakes are very high for family caregivers and guilt is a common occurrence. Aging loved ones often make unrealistic demands or cannot clearly communicate their needs. We fall into a pattern of asking ourselves if we are doing the right things and whether our actions are “enough.” To make matters worse, our care recipients are often on the final journey of their lives and nothing we do can prevent that decline. In our heads we know this is the truth. However, our hearts often tell us that if we were doing a better job meeting their care needs, then our loved ones would be happier and could maybe even live longer. Let go of caregiver guilt. We are powerless to stop the inevitable cycle of life and death. You are doing a wonderful thing for your loved one and giving your best. That is all you can do.
• Don’t buy into the myth that every disease can be cured.
  Alzheimer’s disease is a prime example. There is currently no cure, and there likely won’t be one for many years to come. Do your best to provide your loved one with comfort and care but understand that a few minutes of contentment may be all we can offer our care receivers. Revel in those moments and give yourself credit when such things happen.
• Don’t believe everything you read or hear.
  Even the best intended advice we receive—including this article—is not for everyone. Each caregiver’s situation is different. We live in different places with different resources available to us. We come from different economic situations. Our family dynamics are unique. We have one-of-a-kind personalities. This concept goes back to comparing ourselves to others. Absolutely seek out sources of inspiration and assistance, but sift through the information you find to see what truly applies to your distinct situation and let the rest go.
• Don’t let pessimism or depression rule your life.
  If you are clinically depressed—and many caregivers are—get help. Taking care of your own health will, in the end, help your care receiver. If your personality is naturally pessimistic, counseling and interventions like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can help you adopt a more realistic, if not optimistic, perspective. Studies have shown that optimistic individuals live 11 to 15 percent longer and, in many cases, lead healthier lives. Some effort to skew your outlook in that direction is generally time well spent.

Healthy Thoughts and Behaviors Caregivers Should Embrace

• Accept your flaws as part of your humanity.
  There are probably things about yourself that you feel could use some work, but remember that imperfection is human. Accept this simple fact and you’ll feel a weight lifted off your mind.
• Meditate.
  Meditation can take countless forms. Some people simply enjoy time alone letting their minds wander without direction. Others prefer guided meditation with soothing music and/or a soft voice coaching them to relax. Perhaps you would prefer prayer and spiritual meditation, practicing yoga, going for a run, or simply going outside to spend time in a quiet, natural setting. The options are endless. Find something that works for you and stick to it. Many studies have shown that meditation of any form can lower blood pressure, decrease stress and increase our feelings of well-being.
• Exercise and eat well.
  Taking care of your body is an affirmation that you are loveable and important. There is an inherent “don’t” in this “do,” though. Don’t shame yourself if you don’t succeed in your goals. Otherwise, this defeats the purpose of self-care. Just aim to do better moving forward.
• Do something nice for another person.
  Don’t do it for appreciation or thanks. Don’t do it for admiration from onlookers. Do it for yourself. You’ll feel good in your heart and that will lift your spirits, at least temporarily. This type of activity can also help you love yourself for who you are, not for what others think of you. It doesn’t have to be a grand gesture, but take a moment to help boost someone else’s self-confidence every so often. That is a quality worth being proud of.
• Forgive others.
  Many people have lived through very difficult experiences, often brought on by others. Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you forget these transgressions. Forgiveness means that you stop letting these negative events and people take up space in your head and heart. Letting go of these experiences will mean that they no longer hold power over your feelings and actions. Aim to be defined by the positive forces in your life rather than be held back by the negative ones.
• Forgive yourself.
  In order to love yourself, you have to forgive yourself, too. Most of what you hold against yourself probably isn’t that bad anyway. Even if you have done something that disgusts you now, forgiving yourself can help ensure that you won’t make the same mistake again. The past cannot be undone and carrying it around only undermines our attempts to leave behind feelings of guilt, regret and shame. All we can do is learn from our errors and vow to make better decisions going forward.
• Choose your support system wisely.
  Sometimes friends and support groups can help guide you and lift you up. These groups can be for caregivers, victims of abuse, those who are grieving, or whatever issue you feel is weighing you down. People there can listen to your feelings and experiences and relate to you. They will understand and accept you, even after you’ve told them about what you feel are your failures. Absorbing their unconditional love can help you accept your faults and learn to support others in return. Choose friends with similar goals in mind, and distance yourself from anyone who does not respect and cherish you and support your aspiration to love yourself completely.

If you can’t genuinely acknowledge that you are worthy of other people’s time and having your own needs met, it may be wise to seek professional counseling. Learning to genuinely love ourselves is not easy, especially given the mixed messages we’ve received throughout life. Finding a balance between giving to others and respecting ourselves is ideal. You don’t have to apologize for who you are or how you feel. You are worthy of love.

What Is Self-Love?

Self-love  id defines as a deep, unconditional acceptance and appreciation for all parts of who we are. Self-love is the culmination of building awareness of ourselves, nurturing our minds and bodies, and acknowledging that we are good and valuable both inherently and because of the things we have accomplished.